*** I just want to preface this post by saying that this is for my sake and I'm not putting it here because I think that anyone else needs it. I had found this post about a month ago and loved it, but couldn't remember where I had seen it. So when I found it again, I had to put it somewhere that I could always find it. It comes from a blog that I follow - the lady is a good Christian lady and has some great insights on lots of things "parent" related. It has helped me appreciate my girl more, and to LOVE her and not HIT her. Now I'm not saying that I won't ever spank her, but I do give it a second thought!
If you'd like to read more of this specific post, click http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/search/label/Discipline%20With%20Dignity Or to see her whole blog, Clover Lane, click http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/.
How to LOVE/DISCIPLINE your child:
If you'd like to read more of this specific post, click http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/search/label/Discipline%20With%20Dignity Or to see her whole blog, Clover Lane, click http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/.
How to LOVE/DISCIPLINE your child:
Children need your attention. They need to trust you, and to know that you love them. They need your instruction in words. They need to model behavior. They need you to know their limitations...I'll tell you when I've felt the urge spank a child (and we all do!), it's because I've made the wrong choices! Not them! I've expected too much of them, I've skipped a nap, I haven't been consistent and clear in my expectations, I've dragged them on too many errands, I've stretched meal times too long! I've been too busy with other things...material things, worldly things, things so much LESS important than a spirit of MY child. Break downs happen because of US. If your child's behavior stinks, look at yourself good and hard....change YOUR behavior, change your lifestyle.
I think spanking is the "easy way out". It's a quick fix. It's a way of "training" a child, without doing the work. But we all learn....quick fixes all come back to haunt us right? You might see a change in behavior, but NOT in the behavior you want...everything you are trying to "train" against, will show up...anger, aggression, mistrust, dishonesty...the list goes on and on. After all...you reap what you sow.
There is NO right way to spank. There is NO "proper procedure" to follow. I've read spanking is acceptable if you don't do it in anger, and if you explain WHY you are doing it. That's more twisted than ever in so many ways. "I'm going to inflict physical pain on you, because you just hit your sister? I am not angry, but I just want you to hurt." It doesn't make sense at all.
Sometimes you might hear, see or think, "Geez, what that kid needs is a good old spanking!" I guarantee that what that child needs is EVERYTHING but a spanking! I think in the older generations, NOT spanking is associated with overly permissive parenting...where the child rules the roost and any behavior goes. Yes, there is a prevalence of that today...but I can assure you, it's not a result of not hitting the children...it's a result of parents being unwilling to spend time teaching their children the right way to behave. Unstructured environments, no bedtimes, no regular meals, no predictable schedule...the list is long. I think it's lazy parenting...and it has nothing to do with the prevalence of spanking...they are one in the same in a way...the easy way out.
What's the hard stuff?
Attention, love, change of scenery, a good healthy meal, a good nap, a good book, consistency, hugs, a stern conversation, a calm environment, a clear set of enforced rules, a time out to refocus, strong parental relationships, a long walk, some fresh air, a loving grandma, a safe home, knowing your child....the stuff that takes a heck of a lot more time than hitting them does. The stuff that takes a piece of you...your LOVE, your SPIRIT, your TIME.
